an extended farewell - one week and counting

Hello again, faithful blog readers! Forgive the delay in posting even a jot of thought - but actually, I am confessedly grateful that during this week, my family and friends, prayer and reading have crowded out time for blog posting. I had a slight trepadation (sp?) upon beginning the blog that it would become addictive and now I'm glad to say that I feel happily in control of how much time I spend posting!

With that said, it's been a fabulous week. My parents and I leave one week from today (!!) for our epic journey across the continent. I'm already anticipating the sultry beauty of the Smokies, the crisp taste of southern fried chicken (is Tennessee far enough south for real fried chicken? I'm not sure) and the golden waves of grain in endless Kansas.

But for now, I'm quite enveloped in making the most of my extended good-bye to home and all its trappings. My mom has started getting teary-eyed about every other day, and more recently I've begun to do the same, thinking of the distance that will soon separate me from home. A few days ago, I was sitting in my favorite place on earth - three wooden steps that lead up to the deck out back. At this time of year, two huge butterfly bushes arch over the steps, creating a fragrant alcove of solitude. I love to gaze at my backyard, hopping with life in the form of lilies, black-eyed susans, and the hawk family that lives in the field. And as I sat there, I realized that after next Tuesday, the next time I would see this chunk of earth, aka home, will be in the wintertime, long after all the plants are dead or hibernating.

Why exactly am I going to Denver? Like the rational animal that I am, I've pondered this question countless times ever since making the decision, and somehow no answer entirely satisfies me. I want to live in a different part of the country for a while - True. I want to be with other single young adults, serving in a community of faith - True. I have no marriage prospects, career, or solidified grad school plans, so why not? - True. All of my reasons are fine and plausible, but not really complete in the sense of an air-tight case against which there is no arguing.

Instead, I find myself thinking, why am I leaving home? It's quite lovely to shop and bike ride and worship with people who know me, some since I was a toddler. I catch my breath at the beautiful rolling hills of Pennsylvania. Furthermore (this hesitation cuts the deepest) what if I spend bucketloads of energy planting roots and making a home in Denver, only to relcoate again after 11 months, leaving all the relationships I cultivated behind, and having to start from scratch to make another place my own? I know that it the feeling of transitoriness is part of being human - made of dust, we are meant for heaven. And yet my identity as a sojourner is now exaggerated by a cross-country move and it feels as uncomfortable as an itchy sweater that won't seem to fit right, no matter how much I squirm.

And it's not that I don't want to go! I received the list of the other volunteers this past week and I was thrilled to have names of the 11 people I'll live, work, and pray with. I daydream about hiking in the Rockies, and I can't wait to give 40 hours a week to the service of the poor instead of swiping credit cards and reshelving lampshades. Suffice it to say that my own second-guessing of moving to Denver seems strangely removed from my emotions. Instead, my hesitations are rather like reading a story about a heroine who decides on a path that doesn't seem the most logical, but sure does make the story interesting!

Okay, enough careening through the labyrinth of my mind. Besides, it's too late to turn back now. My feet are set toward the sunset and I'm not stopping until I'm a mile high =)

One more thing (I'm sure you hope by now that I post more than once a week instead of cramming it all together =)) - I would be remiss if I did not praise God for the gift of loyal friends. I had the bottomless joy this week to spend time with Allison, Kara, Carrie, Seretha, and Rebecca - 5 amazing gals from Eastern (among many more) with whom my heart has found a home. To be able to reunite after weeks apart and still laugh genuinely, share deeply, and love fervently smashes every fear I had about friendships fading after graduation. Love is an anchor, to ground those of us who wander. Alleluia.